Some of our finer moments in Spain...

House Person - Inner Room Person

I am a domestic goddess.
I clean, I cook, I iron, I even compost.
I use all my groceries before they rot.
I grow and dry my own herbs.
I freeze food for nights when I don't feel like cooking.
I own a clothesline so I can follow washing instructions to line dry.

Today I used a crockpot and olive oil from a can.
Today I obeyed the speed limit and conserve gas.
Today I folded my socks and towels - both bath and beach.
Today I ate only one tiny piece of sheet cake, my favorite.
Today I air-dried my hair so the ends wouldn't split.
Today I brought my re-useable bags to the grocery store.

So pleasing.
So proficient.
So practiced.
So polished.
So perfect.
So predictable.

Rock Apes

So, I just got back from a stop in the British Territory of Gibraltar on the Mediterranean in Southern Spain. While in Gibraltar, I encountered the infamous and apparently quite dangerous Rock Apes (note the picture of the Rock Ape biting the tourist below).

Below are some of my favorite pictures and videos...

Mayhem

So, turns out that spray paint cans really do explode when blunt force trauma is applied to their exterior. In honor of Halloween, some "needless or willful damage or violence" AKA mayhem (the video is dark but provides an excellent demonstration):

Does anyone have a time machine?

Texting at the Natasha Bedingfield concert

Debbie and I went to the Natasha Bedingfield concert in Baltimore on Tuesday night. After getting horribly lost (thrice) we finally made it.

There were scores and scads of teeny-boppers screaming all over the venue so Debbie and I self-exiled ourselves to the "parent" section - the bleachers on the second floor. We had a great view of the stage and totally rocked out to Natasha...

Unfortunately, we had to wait through not one, but TWO excruciating opening bands. While waiting, I entertained myself by sending text messages to Susan:

Exchanged on 17 June 2008:

To Susan (8:01 p.m.): I'm at the Natasha Bedingfield concert - JEALOUS?!?

From Susan (8:02 p.m.): YES!!! i may hate you actually.

To Susan (8:04 p.m.): Don't be a hater!

From Susan (8:06 p.m.): Aw I can't hate you.

From Susan (8:07 p.m.): Be sure to throw your panties on the stage for me.

From Susan (8:44 p.m.): I'm listening to Natasha now in your honor.

To Susan (9:18 p.m.): Unfortunately for the crowd, I only throw my panties at dancing boomboxes...since they refused to leave the dressing room, my panties are staying safely hidden.**

At this point, my phone powered itself down (no PG-13 texting allowed at Natasha Bedingfield??). Luckily, Natasha came on at 9:45 and delivered a brilliant concert. The best moment came early on when, in an attempt to sexily take her sweater off, the sweater got caught on her belt buckle. Alas Natasha! Effect ruined!!

**Dancing Boomboxes and Natasha Bedingfield:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j1R1Rg8gcDQ

Oh Shenandoah, I long to see thee...

So, I drove through Shenandoah National Park today. "Skyline Drive" - the highway that runs through the park - runs along the tops of the Appalachians, overlooking the Shenandoah River Valley. There are 75 scenic overlooks and I think we probably stopped at 68 of them., soaking up the vistas.

Well, all the stop-and-go took its toll. I refused, out of principle, to pay $4.09 (!) a gallon at the monopolistic National Park Service gas station , so a side trip to Luray, Virginia (population 4,865) was in order. We filled up and then stopped in at a little place called the Farmboys Diner for some lunch.

While Debbie and I were checking out the menus and admiring the murals of smiling cows and pigs, it became apparent that there was a dangerous situation brewing in Farmboys. Apparently the older, more experienced waitress was expecting a massive influx of customers eager to take advantage of their Memorial Day special (BBQ pork mixed with coleslaw and chocolate cake) and she was worried about where the newer, inexperienced waitress was seating people. She went so far as to walk over and warn the couple at the table next to us, saying "if it gets busy in here, I'm gonna have to put you to move..."

The situation almost boiled over when younger waitress came running over:

"Clarence is coming down the street!" younger waitress exclaimed. "He's early - where are we going to put him??"

"Clarence?!" said the older waitress, looking around the nearly empty room in a panic. "Hold on, what day is it honey?"

"Monday!" said the younger waitress.

"Oh, you had me scared. It's alright baby, he's always early on Mondays, Wednesdays and Thursdays - we've got his table ready right here."

We didn't stick around to see the hordes descend. I am happy to report, however, that when we left, Clarence was enjoying his blackberry cobbler.

A post, Bridget Jones-style, about the reclamation of the backyard:

Minutes spent reading about planting natural-type plot of ground that will attract birds, butterflies, frogs and other such creatures, making me star of own Disney movie, tentatively titled "Anna in Washington Wonderland": 420 (but on Sunday afternoon when could do nothing else, so is okay)

Minutes spent picking out flower seeds at Lowes: 73 (v. bad)

Seed packets actually purchased: 11 (but put 8 more back so excellent)

Saturdays spent weeding the backyard: 5 (have decided is okay to leave roots in ground - as long as leaves are all pulled off, photosynthesis is impossible)

Saturdays still needed to finish planting grass: 1 (is blurry awful)

Trips to Lowes, Home Depot and Wal-Mart to purchase garden supplies: 9 (awful)

Bags of mulch purchased: 16 (but still need more - not good)

Bags of grass seed purchased: 2 (Kentucky Bluegrass so will reflect my heritage)

Amount of ground grass seed will cover: 4200 sq. feet (v.g.)

Amount of ground actually planted: 70 sq. feet (but will lead to lots of grass making lawn perfect in manner of baseball outfield)

Hummingbird feeders purchased: 2 (will have a new sanctuary for lost hummingbirds of the world)

Tall iron crooks purchased to hang hummingbird feeders from: 1 (earning "shepherd" comment from fellow shopper who was v. cute)

Hummingbirds actually using said feeders: 0 (catastrophe)

Minutes spent imagining lounging in long white sundress on luscious grass: 1,433 (v. v. bad - must find new hobby in case grass does not actually grow in)

Waxing Beautiful

I looked down at my toes during Sunday School and almost died of disgust - crackling nails, dirt around my cuticles from the garden, rough heels...gross. Luckily, having a Real Job means that I can afford the occasional splurge so I headed to Foxxy Nails after work today.

I decided to do the full pedicure/manicure treatment. The pedicure went great. My legs got some sort of spa treatment - hot towels, a bright blue mud mask and some rock salty exfoliant. Felt great. With "Kangarooby" carefully applied to my toes, I moved into place for the manicure. My Nail Technician applied lotion and was massaging my hands when she looked up and into my face. All of the sudden she said "You want waxing? Your eyebrows and lips?"

Horror! If she hadn't been spreading pink goo all over my hands, I would have brought them up to hide my face in shame. I was so mortified that I agreed immediately to the eyebrow waxing. I couldn't bring myself to admit that I had a hair problem on my upper lip...

Leaping Plecos!

Meet Roger, one of my neurotic fish. Roger is a shy guy who, in the last three months, has left the safety of the fish tank's treasure chest only once. Even then, it was only under extreme duress (Rachel poked him with a spatula until he freaked out and left, only to return as soon as the lights were out).

Well apparently, sometime around 10:30 this morning, he decided to be brave and explore the outside world. I was out back weeding and heard my roommate come in from a Costco run. I yelled "Hey" from the backyard and she replied "Uh, Anna, I think you should come here and take a look at this?" Something about her tone of voice...I took off the gardening gloves and came in through the back doors. "What is that?" she asked, pointing to the floor in front of the tank. I actually thought it looked like a lonely sock, dropped in the hall on the way to the laundry room. I walked a little closer, though, and felt a slow horror growing as I realized that it was no sock. My suspicions were confirmed as I knelt down to find Roger, laying on the floor in front of the fish tank.

There was no water around him and he looked pretty dry. "Debbie!" I said, "I think Roger committed suicide!?" Debbie was all concern - "Oh no! What should we do??" We stood there for a moment, exclaiming that he was dead! and wondering how to pick him up, what to do with his poor dried-up body. I envisioned a nice burial in the backyard, maybe planting some flower seeds over the body and calling the whole bed the "Roger Pleco Memorial Garden" or something. I saw the spatula on the shelf under the fish tank (leftover from Rachel's torment session) and decided to pick him up and kind-of flip him over onto a plastic lid to carry him out back for the funeral. I poked him, just to be sure he was dead and, sadly, no movement.

I was sliding the spatula under his body, and was just about to look up to comment to Debbie that his neurosis had driven him to his death, when Roger suddenly freaked out and started flipping his fins and tail all over the place. I screamed - Debbie screamed - I dropped the spatula and screamed some more - Debbie ran around the table and screamed some more. After a moment of pure gut emotion, I realized that my subconscious fears of Roger flipping up onto my face and suctioning a bite out of my cheek were ridiculous and stopped screaming. There was a moment of heavy, panicked, breathing then..."Debbie! Ummm...I think he's still alive..."

Luckily, there was a small tupperware container on the table. After some quick reasoning, I stepped over to the tank and scooped some water into the tupperware. Oops, accidentally scooped up a fish with the water. Dumped water and fish out and scooped up some more, fish free, water. Then I picked up the spatula and tried to slide it under Roger who immediately started flipping out (literally) again. I almost screamed, but managed to be brave and flip him into the tupperware. He immediately sank down into the makeshift tank and started sucking on the bottom...we decided to go ahead and throw him back in the fish tank, mainly because we didn't know where else to put him. He swam around chaotically for a minute or two, bumping into things like he was drunk until he found his treasure chest. He promptly swam inside and suctioned on - I just checked on him and he's still there, still aliveand I don't think he will ever come out again.