So, while Susan, Sarah and I were in Cairo, we wrote a musical. Well, I should clarify that we didn't get around to writing the music. Or the actual lyrics. But we did come up with a plotline and some killer song titles.
The story starts out with a handsome young man, fresh off the plane, who ventures out into the Khan al-Khalili Bazaar. He is lured into a shop by a nefarious vendor and, just when he is about to pay 5 pounds for a fake scarab beetle, a wise-to-the-world, smart, beautiful young woman rescues him.
They then make their way through a series of misadventures full of intrigue, suspense and blossoming love to the Grand Finale where they sail off down the Nile on some Sphinxes who have come to life. Our song titles with its accompanying plot are as follows:
"Five Pounds": The musical opens with our hero wandering down an empty Egyptian street. Suddenly, from behind a dumpster overflowing with trash comes a man offering to sell him papyrus for just "Five Egyptian Pounds". Then another vendor pops out from around the corner offering him an alabaster vase for only "Five Egyptian Pounds". Then sliding down the nearby lamp post, a third vendor offers him some genuine scarab beetles for only "Five Egyptian Pounds". From the tree above, a fourth offers him a belly-dancing costume for a mere "Five Egyptian Pounds". By the end of the song, the street is full of vendors all shouting their wares and our hero is being lured into a shop of a vendor with nefarious purposes.
"Egyptian Husband?": Just as our hero is about to pay waaay more than five Egyptian pounds for an alabaster bust of Nefertiti (that is really made of soapstone), our intrepid heroine swoops in and begins berating the shopkeeper for trying to rip off an innocent tourist. The shopkeeper tries to start bargaining with her, even offering her an Egyptian Husband in exchange for her getting out of his store and allowing him to complete his sale. But she rejects his offer of matrimony, and his special deal on a Cleopatra headdress.
"Ride Me, Maybe?": The heroine takes the hero to the Pyramids, as an introduction to Cairo. They are approached by a camel vendor who offers them a camel ride. The heroine turns to the hero..."Hey, I just met you. And this is crazy! But here's a camel...let's ride it maybe?" As they ride off to the panorama overlook of the Pyramids, they begin to fall in love. (Side note: An alternative title for this song "Baby You Can Ride My Camel" was rejected for sounding dirty.)
"The Hero's Quest": To prove his love to the heroine, the hero starts out on an epic quest across Cairo to find a Diet Coke at a reasonable price that is actually cold. (Another Side Note: This really is a hero's quest, as finding a cold, reasonably priced Diet Coke is nearly impossible. If I were this heroine, this would be all it would take to earn my undying love.)
"Sand in My Shoes": While the hero is gone, the heroine contemplates her love for the hero...is it real? Or is it just sand in her shoes that she will shake out at the end of the day?
"Shhh, Bakshish?": The hero and the heroine, reunited (and in possession of cold Diet Cokes), travel to Luxor where a site guard tells him he can show them a very special site, very historic, very important. But they must be quiet and not tell the other tourists. Just before they enter the site, he asks for his bakshish. When they only give him Five Egyptian Pounds, he angrily grabs the hero and carries him off deep into the Valley of the Kings on a camel.
"The Dust of Egypt": An emotional ballad where the hero is taken through the dusty streets of Egypt, watching the Egyptian people slave away in papyrus, alabaster and scarab factories to make tchotchkes for the tourists. He realizes the dust of Egypt is a metaphor for its downtrodden people.
"All the Sphicuses* are Floating Down the Nile": The herione, distraught as she realizes she really DOES love the hero, starts off after him. Wandering through the canyon tombs, her Diet Coke long since gone, she begins a heat-exhaustion spurred hallucination wherein all the Sphinxes that line the route between Luxor and Karnak Temples come to life and shuffle to the river and begin to float away on the cool breezy Nile. She hops on one and...
"The Eternal Rising Sun": The Sphincus takes her to the rising sun, where she finds the hero. Together they beg the ancient gods of Egypt to help them help Egypt. They realize that if they just have all the shopkeepers raise their prices to Ten Egyptian Pounds, the country will be able to rise out of poverty. The people join them in a rousing finale welcoming in a new golden era of peace and prosperity.
I'm sure the music and lyrics will fall into place and we'll be collecting our Tony's next awards season.
**we discovered from our myriad of attempted guides that "Sphinx" is actually pronounced "Sphincus"
The story starts out with a handsome young man, fresh off the plane, who ventures out into the Khan al-Khalili Bazaar. He is lured into a shop by a nefarious vendor and, just when he is about to pay 5 pounds for a fake scarab beetle, a wise-to-the-world, smart, beautiful young woman rescues him.
They then make their way through a series of misadventures full of intrigue, suspense and blossoming love to the Grand Finale where they sail off down the Nile on some Sphinxes who have come to life. Our song titles with its accompanying plot are as follows:
"Five Pounds": The musical opens with our hero wandering down an empty Egyptian street. Suddenly, from behind a dumpster overflowing with trash comes a man offering to sell him papyrus for just "Five Egyptian Pounds". Then another vendor pops out from around the corner offering him an alabaster vase for only "Five Egyptian Pounds". Then sliding down the nearby lamp post, a third vendor offers him some genuine scarab beetles for only "Five Egyptian Pounds". From the tree above, a fourth offers him a belly-dancing costume for a mere "Five Egyptian Pounds". By the end of the song, the street is full of vendors all shouting their wares and our hero is being lured into a shop of a vendor with nefarious purposes.
"Egyptian Husband?": Just as our hero is about to pay waaay more than five Egyptian pounds for an alabaster bust of Nefertiti (that is really made of soapstone), our intrepid heroine swoops in and begins berating the shopkeeper for trying to rip off an innocent tourist. The shopkeeper tries to start bargaining with her, even offering her an Egyptian Husband in exchange for her getting out of his store and allowing him to complete his sale. But she rejects his offer of matrimony, and his special deal on a Cleopatra headdress.
"Ride Me, Maybe?": The heroine takes the hero to the Pyramids, as an introduction to Cairo. They are approached by a camel vendor who offers them a camel ride. The heroine turns to the hero..."Hey, I just met you. And this is crazy! But here's a camel...let's ride it maybe?" As they ride off to the panorama overlook of the Pyramids, they begin to fall in love. (Side note: An alternative title for this song "Baby You Can Ride My Camel" was rejected for sounding dirty.)
"The Hero's Quest": To prove his love to the heroine, the hero starts out on an epic quest across Cairo to find a Diet Coke at a reasonable price that is actually cold. (Another Side Note: This really is a hero's quest, as finding a cold, reasonably priced Diet Coke is nearly impossible. If I were this heroine, this would be all it would take to earn my undying love.)
"Sand in My Shoes": While the hero is gone, the heroine contemplates her love for the hero...is it real? Or is it just sand in her shoes that she will shake out at the end of the day?
"Shhh, Bakshish?": The hero and the heroine, reunited (and in possession of cold Diet Cokes), travel to Luxor where a site guard tells him he can show them a very special site, very historic, very important. But they must be quiet and not tell the other tourists. Just before they enter the site, he asks for his bakshish. When they only give him Five Egyptian Pounds, he angrily grabs the hero and carries him off deep into the Valley of the Kings on a camel.
"The Dust of Egypt": An emotional ballad where the hero is taken through the dusty streets of Egypt, watching the Egyptian people slave away in papyrus, alabaster and scarab factories to make tchotchkes for the tourists. He realizes the dust of Egypt is a metaphor for its downtrodden people.
"All the Sphicuses* are Floating Down the Nile": The herione, distraught as she realizes she really DOES love the hero, starts off after him. Wandering through the canyon tombs, her Diet Coke long since gone, she begins a heat-exhaustion spurred hallucination wherein all the Sphinxes that line the route between Luxor and Karnak Temples come to life and shuffle to the river and begin to float away on the cool breezy Nile. She hops on one and...
"The Eternal Rising Sun": The Sphincus takes her to the rising sun, where she finds the hero. Together they beg the ancient gods of Egypt to help them help Egypt. They realize that if they just have all the shopkeepers raise their prices to Ten Egyptian Pounds, the country will be able to rise out of poverty. The people join them in a rousing finale welcoming in a new golden era of peace and prosperity.
I'm sure the music and lyrics will fall into place and we'll be collecting our Tony's next awards season.
**we discovered from our myriad of attempted guides that "Sphinx" is actually pronounced "Sphincus"
2 comments:
Some of these songs are different than I had imagined them (for example, the camel song was sung by the camel dudes around the pyramids in my mind), but I like your version better.
But you forgot about the Sand in my Shoes song - or was it a dance? - where you kick out a foot and shake it while doing jazz hands. You need to fit that in somewhere!
Having experienced most of this reality show I am so looking forward to seeing this.
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